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How to Make Friends as an Adult
The most reliable way to make friends as an adult is repeated contact over time: seeing the same people regularly through a shared activity, and then taking the small step of inviting them to something outside it. Research suggests it takes roughly 50 hours together to become casual friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends, so consistency matters more than charm.
If that sounds slow, it is. But it also means friendship is a skill you can practice, not a trait you were born with.
Why adult friendship matters
In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory calling loneliness and isolation a public health concern. It noted that about half of U.S. adults reported measurable levels of loneliness even before the COVID-19 pandemic, and that a lack of social connection raises the risk of premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily.
That comparison builds on a 2010 meta-analysis by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and colleagues, which pooled 148 studies covering about 308,000 people. People with stronger social relationships had roughly a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the study periods than those with weaker ones. These are associations, not proof that friends alone add years, but the pattern is consistent and large.
Why it’s harder after school
School and early jobs supplied friendship’s raw ingredients for free: proximity, repeated unplanned contact, and time. As adults, work, family, and moves pull those apart. Most adult friendships don’t fail because people are unlikable; they fail because nobody built the time in.
The hours behind a friendship
Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas studied adults who had recently moved and students starting college. His 2018 paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships estimated that it takes roughly 40 to 60 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and more than 200 hours to become close or best friends. How the time is spent matters too: hanging out and talking built closeness faster than time spent only working alongside someone.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
- A weekly two-hour activity with the same group gives you about 50 hours with each regular in roughly six months.
- Add a coffee or meal with one person every other week (about 1.5 hours) and you’ve added roughly another 20 hours over the same period.
- Reaching 200 hours with one person at three hours a week takes a bit over a year.
The takeaway isn’t to count hours. It’s that a single great conversation rarely creates a friendship; showing up again and again does.
Practical steps that work
- Pick something that repeats. A weekly class, league, choir, running club, faith community, or volunteer shift puts you in the same room as the same people. One-off events are much less effective.
- Volunteer. It combines repeated contact, a shared purpose, and an easy topic of conversation, and it tends to attract people who are already open to connection.
- Be the one who initiates. Many people are waiting to be asked. A simple “A few of us are getting food after, want to come?” moves a regular toward a friend.
- Follow up quickly. If you click with someone, suggest a specific plan within a week or two, while the connection is fresh.
- Revive dormant ties. Old friends, former coworkers, and neighbors already have history with you. A short message can restart a friendship faster than building one from zero.
- Make it a routine. A standing monthly dinner or weekly walk removes the scheduling friction that quietly ends many adult friendships.
If it feels awkward
It probably will at first. Initiating can feel risky, and not every invitation lands. Treat each “no” or quiet response as normal attrition rather than a verdict on you. If loneliness is persistent and painful, or social anxiety is keeping you from trying, talking to a therapist or your doctor is a reasonable step.
Friendship as part of your wealth
Social Wealth is one of the eight dimensions this site measures because relationships shape health, resilience, and happiness as much as money does. It also competes for time with work and everything else, which is why wealth imbalance is so common. If long hours are what’s crowding friends out, recognising burnout may be the place to start. To see where you stand, take the free Social assessment or read the Social Wealth guide.
Common questions
How many hours does it take to make a friend?
A 2018 study by Jeffrey Hall estimated roughly 40 to 60 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and more than 200 hours to become close or best friends.
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
Adult life removes the built-in proximity and repeated, unplanned contact that school provided. Friendships now need to be scheduled, which means someone has to take the initiative.
Is loneliness really bad for your health?
Research suggests so. The U.S. Surgeon General’s 2023 advisory reports that lacking social connection raises the risk of premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily, and a 2010 meta-analysis found about a 50% greater likelihood of survival among people with stronger social ties.
What is the best way to meet new friends as an adult?
Join something that meets regularly with the same people, such as a class, club, team, or volunteer role, and then invite people to something outside it. Repetition is what turns acquaintances into friends.
Related guides
Sources
- Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community — U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2023
- New Surgeon General Advisory Raises Alarm about the Devastating Impact of the Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation in the United States — U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
- How many hours does it take to make a friend? — Jeffrey A. Hall, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
- Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review — Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton, PLoS Medicine, 2010
This guide is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not financial, medical, legal, or tax advice. Consult a qualified professional for guidance specific to your situation.
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