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How to Create and Use a Family Safe Word

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A family safe word is a secret word or phrase that you agree on in person with the people closest to you. When a call, text or video asks for money or urgent help and claims to be one of them, you ask for the word. No word, no money: you hang up and call them back on a number you already have. The FBI recommends exactly this, because AI can now copy a loved one’s voice from a short clip, but it cannot know a secret you never put online.

The idea is old. Armies, parents and pub staff have used code words for centuries. What has changed is the threat: the voice on the phone can be fake, and so can the face on the video call. Below are the classic examples, the modern scams a safe word stops (and the ones it doesn’t), and a 15-minute way to set one up tonight.

“Jamie” (grandson)Unknown number · 11:42 pm Example
  1. Caller, in Jamie’s voiceGrandma, it’s me. I was in an accident and they arrested me. Please don’t tell Mom.
  2. “Lawyer”Bail is $9,000 tonight. A courier can collect cash, or you can use gift cards.
  3. YouJamie, what’s our word?
  4. CallerGrandma, I’m too scared to think. There’s no time!
  5. YouThen I’ll call you right back.
  6. Call ended. The real Jamie answers his own phone: he’s at home, fine.

How to read it

Every red flag, in one call

  • Panic and a deadline. Fear and speed keep you from checking.
  • Secrecy. “Don’t tell Mom” cuts off the people who would spot it.
  • A second voice, a “lawyer” or “officer”, to sound official.
  • Untraceable payment: cash by courier, gift cards, a wire or crypto.
  • An excuse instead of the word.

The safe word turns a judgment call (“does that sound like him?”) into a yes-or-no test. A cloned voice can be perfect and still fail it.

Why every family needs one now

In March 2023 the Federal Trade Commission warned that a scammer needs only a short audio clip of your family member’s voice, which is easy to find in videos posted online, plus a voice-cloning program to make the call sound real. In December 2024 the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) listed its first protective tip against AI-powered fraud: create a secret word or phrase with your family to verify their identity. The Federal Communications Commission gives the same advice for frantic calls asking for money.

  • $3.5Breported lost to imposter scams in 2025, the most reported type of fraudFTC
  • $929Mreported lost to romance and confidence scams in 2025FBI IC3
  • 1 clipof someone’s voice, taken from a video online, is enough to start cloning itFTC

An old idea: safe words through history

Long before phones, people needed a way to tell friend from impostor when they could not trust their eyes or ears. The best traditions all share a few rules worth copying.

  1. Ancient Rome

    The nightly watchword

    The Greek historian Polybius described how Roman camps passed a fresh watchword each evening on a wooden tablet, from unit to unit, so sentries could challenge anyone moving in the dark.

    Lesson: the word is shared only with insiders, and it changes.

  2. June 6, 1944

    D-Day: Flash and Thunder

    Allied troops landing in Normandy, many of them paratroopers scattered in the dark, challenged anyone they met with “Flash”. A friend answered “Thunder”. Paratroopers of the 101st Airborne also carried small brass clickers (“crickets”): one click was answered with two.

    Lesson: you challenge; the other person must answer. You never say the password first.

  3. Family safety, for decades

    The school pickup code word

    Parents teach children a word that any adult picking them up must know. A stranger who says “your mom sent me” but can’t say the word doesn’t get in the car. Many families add an “exit word”: a teen texts it from a party and gets collected, no questions asked.

    Lesson: a good story is not proof. Only the word is.

  4. Banks and alarm companies

    Verbal passwords and duress codes

    Home alarm monitoring services ask for a passcode before cancelling an alarm, and many let you set a second, duress code that sounds like a normal cancellation but quietly sends help. Many banks and phone carriers let you add a verbal password or account PIN for calls.

    Lesson: consider two words, one for “it’s really me” and one for “I’m not OK”.

  5. England, 2016

    “Ask for Angela”

    A campaign started in Lincolnshire lets anyone who feels unsafe on a date ask bar staff for “Angela”. Staff know it means “help me get out of here” and step in discreetly. Venues across the UK and beyond have adopted it.

    Lesson: the best code words sound ordinary to anyone listening.

Where a safe word helps today (and where it doesn’t)

Modern scams lean on two things: a voice or face you trust, and pressure to act before you can check. A safe word beats the first; your callback habit beats the second. Here is how it holds up across today’s most common schemes.

  • The voice-cloned family emergency

    “Mom, I’ve been in an accident. I need money now.”

    The classic grandparent scam, upgraded. The voice is cloned from social media clips and the caller ID may be spoofed. The FTC’s advice: don’t trust the voice; call the person on a number you know is theirs.

    Made for thisAsk for the word. No word, hang up and call back.

  • Virtual kidnapping with fake “proof of life”

    “We have your daughter. Pay in one hour or else.”

    No one has actually been taken. In December 2025 the FBI warned that criminals now send altered photos and videos of a loved one as “proof”, often built from social media, and push for payment before you can reach them.

    Strong helpAsk to hear the word from them. Slow down, and try to reach them directly. If you can’t reach them and can’t rule it out, call 911 or your local FBI field office right away.

  • The deepfake boss on a video call

    “This deal is confidential. Send the transfers today.”

    In early 2024 a finance employee at the engineering firm Arup in Hong Kong sent about $25 million after a video call in which the “CFO” and colleagues were all deepfakes, according to CNN.

    Works at workUse a team code phrase or a callback rule for any payment request.

  • The “new number” or hacked account

    “Hi Dad, I dropped my phone. This is my new number. Can you pay a bill for me?”

    A text from an unknown number, or a message from a friend’s real but hijacked account, asking for a quick payment or gift card codes.

    Made for thisAsk for the word, then call the old number to check.

  • Romance scams

    “I’d fly to you tomorrow, but my account is frozen. Could you help, just this once?”

    The FTC found the most common romance-scam lie is that a friend or relative is sick, hurt or in jail, followed by “investment advice” and a faraway military post. AI now writes the messages and fakes the photos, and even a video call can be faked.

    IndirectYou can’t share a word with a stranger. Use a money rule instead (below).

  • The fake bank, IRS or police call

    “This is your bank’s fraud team. Move your savings to a safe account.”

    A real bank or agency will never ask you to move money to “keep it safe”. And a stranger can’t know your family word, so it doesn’t apply here.

    Not this oneHang up and call the number on your card or the official website.

The money rule for romance scams

A safe word verifies people you already know. Romance scams work the other way: the scammer becomes someone you feel you know, without ever meeting you. So borrow the safe word’s logic and apply it to the money instead. Agree with one trusted person, a sibling, an adult child or a close friend, that any request for money, crypto, gift cards or an “investment” from someone met online gets talked through with them first. Scammers push secrecy for a reason; a second pair of eyes is what breaks the spell. The FTC’s bottom line is simple: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven’t met in person.

How to choose a strong safe word

The whole point is that a stranger can’t find or guess it. AI tools can scan everything your family has posted, so anything that ever appeared online is out.

Strong

  • Three unrelated words: velvet pickle lighthouse
  • A silly answer to a private question: “What did Grandpa name the canoe?” “Captain Waffles.”
  • Easy to say and remember under stress, even for kids and grandparents
  • Agreed out loud, in person

Weak

  • Pet names, street names, schools, teams or nicknames
  • Birthdays, anniversaries or any number tied to you
  • Anything in a photo caption, bio or old post
  • A single common word a caller could guess (“love”, “family”)

Set it up in 15 minutes

  1. Decide who’s in. Everyone who might call for help or be called: parents, kids old enough to use a phone, grandparents, and anyone who regularly picks up the children. Grandparents are the classic target of family emergency scams, so include them first.
  2. Choose it together, in person. Say it out loud at the kitchen table or on a call you placed yourself. Don’t send it by text, email or a family group chat: a hacked account would hand it straight to a scammer.
  3. Make it random. Three unrelated words, or a private question with a silly answer. Use the ideas above if you’re stuck.
  4. Add an “I’m not OK” word (optional). A second phrase that sounds harmless, like “Did you feed the goldfish?”, but means “I’m in trouble, call me or come get me”. Families with teenagers find this especially useful.
  5. Practice once. Role-play a panicked call. The first time someone asks “What’s our word?” should not be during a real emergency.
  6. Know when to change it. After it’s used on a real suspicious call, if it ever ends up in writing online, when someone leaves the circle (a former caregiver, say), or once a year.

How to use it on a live call

  1. The ask arrives“Hold on. What’s our word?”Ask for it. Never say it first, and never offer a hint like “Is it the one about the canoe?”
  2. They dodge“Then I’m going to hang up and call you right back.”“I’m too scared to remember”, “there’s no time” and a sudden bad line are all the same answer.
  3. CheckCall them on the number you already have.No answer? Try another relative or friend who would know where they are.
  4. Still unsureDon’t pay while you’re on the call.Cash by courier, gift cards, wires, crypto and “keep this secret” are scam signs even if the word was right.
  5. AfterwardsReport it and warn the family.File at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov, then pick a new word.

What a safe word can’t do

  • It can be phished. A scammer may call one relative “to check the word” before calling another. Nobody ever needs to say it except in answer to a request for help.
  • It doesn’t cover strangers. Banks, government agencies and online contacts can’t know it; for them, the rule is to hang up and contact the organization yourself.
  • It doesn’t replace the basics. Locked-down accounts, a credit freeze and private social profiles make you a harder target in the first place. See How to Protect Yourself From Identity Theft.

Print this page and cut out the card for the fridge or a grandparent’s wallet.

Our rule for urgent calls about money

  1. Ask: “What’s our word?” Never say it first.
  2. No word, no money. Hang up.
  3. Call back on a number you already have.
  4. Gift cards, crypto, wires, couriers or “don’t tell anyone”? Stop.
Call back: Also try:

Don’t write the word itself on this card.

Common questions

What is a family safe word?

A secret word or phrase agreed in person by people who trust each other. If someone calls or messages claiming to be family and asks for money or urgent help, you ask for the word. A scammer using a cloned voice or a hacked account will not know it. The FBI recommends one as a defense against AI voice cloning.

What makes a good safe word?

Something random that has never appeared online and that no one could guess from your social media: three unrelated words such as an adjective and two nouns, or a silly answer to a private question. Avoid pet names, street names, birthdays, schools and favorite teams.

What should I do if the caller doesn’t know the safe word?

Hang up, then call the person back on a number you already have for them, or reach them through another relative or friend. Do not send money, gift cards, crypto or a wire while you are still on the call. If it was a scam, report it at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov.

Can a safe word protect me from romance scams?

Only indirectly. You cannot share a word with someone you have never met, so the word cannot verify them. What helps is a money rule with someone you already trust: any request for money from a person you met online gets talked through with them first. The FTC’s advice is never to send money to someone you have not met in person.

How often should we change our safe word?

Change it whenever it has been used on a real call, written somewhere online or in a text, or shared with someone who is no longer in the circle, such as a former caregiver. Otherwise, a yearly refresh is plenty.

Related guides

Sources

  1. Criminals Use Generative Artificial Intelligence to Facilitate Financial Fraud (I-120324-PSA), FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, December 2024
  2. Scammers use AI to enhance their family emergency schemes, Federal Trade Commission, March 2023
  3. Deep-Fake Audio and Video Links Make Robocalls and Scam Texts Harder to Spot, Federal Communications Commission
  4. Criminals Using Altered Proof-of-Life Media to Extort Victims in Virtual Kidnapping for Ransom Scams, Federal Bureau of Investigation, December 2025
  5. Romance scammers’ favorite lies exposed, Federal Trade Commission Data Spotlight, February 2023
  6. 2025 IC3 Annual Report, FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center
  7. FTC testimony: JEC hearing on the rising scam economy, Federal Trade Commission, March 2026
  8. Arup revealed as victim of $25 million deepfake scam involving Hong Kong employee, CNN, May 2024

This guide is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not financial, medical, legal, or tax advice. Consult a qualified professional for guidance specific to your situation.

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